In Mourning

What does it say about me when I cry over books that I have lost? I am seriously distressed about this and the only way I am going to find comfort is by writing about my distress. I have a large bookshelf in my room and treasure the majority of the books in my collection. Not very of my books go unnoticed as they are like little friends that have helped me through different times of my life. Can you put a value on a friendship? So you can imagine my distress when I occasionally discover them missing! Today is such a day and my dismay is compounding! So I am going to post about all of the books that are missing in hopes that they will soon find their way home to me.

This is the first book I noticed that was missing. I have loved this book since I was nine years old. A subsequent movie was adapted from this book and it was DREADFUL. This book has it all, suspense, philosophical perplexities, moral dilemmas, an endearing love story, a witty heroine and of course, a happy ending. This was my go to book whenever I felt lonely. I always cry when I read a certain part of the story - I make myself cry, because it is simply tragic. I never owned a copy of this and in 10th grade I mentioned that it was my favorite book but I was yet to secure a copy and my sweet friend Della Childs gave me a copy for my birthday. The copy that is currently missing.

 In my second year of college I took a sociology of immigration class that has forever impacted my political stance on immigration and personal view on globalization. This book opened my eyes about the terrible plight immigrants face when they arrive in this country. There are slaves in America. It is true. I was devastated and astonished to read this book. I was becoming passive and I wanted to read this book again when I found that it was gone.

This book was also a book that I read for my sociology of immigration class. It is compiled of little stories and essays about women who are working outside of their homes and towns to support their families. I was particularly moved by the stories of Filipino women working as nannies in Europe to support their own babies at home. The author examines how these women grew to love the children they worked with and love their children they gave birth to in a very different way. I also remember a story about a family in Thailand selling their daughter into the sex trade for a big screen t.v. (they were not aware of what their daughter was getting into). I don't want to forget these stories. I don't want to forget the heartbreak of these women.

This is the book that was missing today. The book that prompted me to write this post dedicated to my beloved missing books. I want to learn another language. I have since I was 11. I specifically remember riding in my car from Provo to Ogden talking to a girl who we were giving a ride to who was from Australia. She was 21 and I was 11 but we were both in deep conversation talking about our lives' goals. I told her that I wanted to speak several languages and play lots of musical instruments. While I can play the piano, the guitar, the ukulele, and my voice (not all at once and not very well mind you) I have yet to reach the goal of learning another language. Today I was watching a French foreign film La Vie in Rose - I promise I am not snooty, I just love hearing people speak other languages (especially children, there is nothing more adorable than a little girl speaking French) and I happen to be a fan of the music of Edith Piaf. Anyway, I was watching this film and I had to pause it right away because it 1) It was very depressing and I needed a break 2) It made me want to learn French, but I can't do that until I learn Spanish so I had to put in some study time! I have studied Spanish several times in my life. This textbook is from when I studied it for a year in college. But. I cannot speak it. I want to. I have planned to since I was 11. So I was compelled to study. But alas! My old textbook I use as a study guide is missing! I am devastated. I teared up. I really did. I miss my books. How am I supposed to complete my life's goals?

The last books that are missing are all my Jr. High yearbooks. I am so surprised at how attached I am to those things. This is sad to admit, but Jr. High was my glory days. I was outstanding student of the year in both 8th and 9th grade. I won awards for art, track and field, choir, academics, any other thing you can imagine. I had my first crush. I had my first moments of heartache and terrible loneliness. I broke the school track record. I played soccer and volleyball. I took guitar class. I won the award of "Most Likely to win an Oscar." I was Student Body Secretary. I rulled the coop my 9th grade year, skipping class to go "help out" in the front office where me and my friends chatted it up with the secretaries. I want to remember that. I am not stuck in Jr. High. That would be awful. I have other accomplishments and aspirations that shape who I am.  But I want to have the goofy picture that Mac Mclellan drew in my yearbook when he had a crush on me in the 8th grade. I want to read the note from Brother Ashcroft my favorite seminary teacher who helped make me who I am. And the note from Mr. Parrish our vice-principle who gave  you a quarter if you could answer the "question of the day." I want to remember that my school broke the record for the world's longest paperclip chain. I want my kids to know those things about me. A visual aid is always helpful. I am most optimistic that I will find these, because who would want someone else's Jr. High yearbook? Honestly. And I know I didn't get rid of them.

This post served its purpose. It made me feel better. I have already looked up all of the books on Amazon Prime and am saving my pennies to purchase them and add them to my library once again. Accept for my yearbooks. Hopefully those turn up sometime soon. In the meantime I will have to study Spanish some other way. 

Your less-distressed Jess.