"The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls." Picasso

I have always fancied myself a creative person. When I was little I imagined being an author when I grew up. I loved art time in class starting from elementary on up. Then I learned about music, and I loved that too. And I took a photography class in college and fell in love with that. Shea and I, before we got married, decided we wanted to take a class together one night a week. I thought it would be fun to enroll in a ceramics classes for a wedding gift. I chose that Picasso quote because of the irony. In pottery class we literally ended up with more dust on our clothes and faces after participating in the "art." I wanted to love ceramics, I really did. But I was terrible at it. After working 10 hour days at a demanding internship I could not find the patience to sit for another 90 minutes hoping the clay would yield to my hands. I already felt incompetent at my internship I didn't crave to feel that way in my creative outlets. I wanted to feel successful. Poor Shea learned that this girl he thought was sweet and patient could become grumpy, discouraged and impatient after pottery class. Towards the end of class I really did start to enjoy pottery making! I was getting better at centering and drawing up the sides of items, but then the class was over. I even made a lopsided bowl. Shea was so good! He made several bowls (although some cracked during the drying process) and had a lot of fun.

Here are some pictures from the class:

Evidence of class on Shea's face

And my scrubs

One time we skipped class to go to the Jazz game.

Shea's bowl ready for firing.

Me and my bowl!

Red mango to celebrate our first completed class together.

 

My bowl.

Shea's bowl. I think his turned out so cool. It has so much character.

Honeymooners

I want to have a record of my life. I want to record all the things I see and feel and experience. this is a daunting task. Blogs can help a little. So in the words of Maria in the Sound of Music "Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start."

I was tired of deciding. I think that was the hardest part of planning a wedding. I did not want to make one more decision about anything. When Shea asked me about a honeymoon, I just told him I wanted it to be somewhere warm, and I wanted to be relaxing. He asked where and I told him to surprise me. After our wedding reception on our way to the hotel he told me we were leaving for San Diego the next day! I was so excited! I had only been to San Diego a couple of times when I was younger, so I was happy to visit. The next morning before we headed to the airport Shea gave me a camera as a wedding gift. I was thrilled! This was something I had always wanted to give myself but never found an excuse to because of tight funds for school. I love Shea so much. I love that he wants me to pursue things I love like photography. I couldn't wait to use it on our honeymoon.

When we arrived to San Diego, I can't remember when Shea told me, but he told me we were leaving on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera. I was so excited! This was my first cruise, and I couldn't wait to relax on the boat and see Mexico. I also had never been to Mexico and I was so excited to visit.

Shea's best friend, Scott served his mission in San Diego, and Scott also has really good taste in food, so we had to get his advice on some places to eat. We ate at Cautros Milpas which was delicious! We picnicked in Chicano park, which was phenomenal! The park was under a freeway overpass. The place was so urban, with lots of cool murals, and a handball court. We met a homeless guy named Emillio who when he found out we were Mormon, told us a story about how he too had a "tree of life" dream. It was bizarre and fascinating. I loved already that Shea was fun enough to have crazy adventures with me talking to homeless people about the tree of life.

Yummy food!

 Our picnic table aka the Mexican flag!

The sweet mural/handball court

Shea and Emillio, the storyteller

When we were in San Diego we stayed at the Hotel Del Coronado on Coronado island. When I was a little girl, probably about 10, I visited this hotel with my family. I loved its turn-of-the century charm, and I knew I wanted to come back there one day to stay! Little did Shea know this, when he booked the hotel for our honeymoon. I was so happy and surprised when I learned we were staying there. I also loved finding out that a Marilyn Monroe movie I love, called "Some like it hot" was filmed there. Here are some pics:

Hotel del

Amazing San Diego sunset on Coronado beach 

(gotta love the palm tree coming out of Shea's head, oops)

At 2:00 in the morning Shea and I decided we were going to break into a hot tub, and we chickened out and decided to go get California burritos at a place Scott told us about.

Yum!

We went on a little bike driven tour of the city before we went on the cruise. Shea was excited to go to the gas lamp district, because he learned about it in his urban planning class. It was a fun way to see the city!

Then we embarked to Mexico! We were on the sea for 3 days before we got to Puerto Vallerta. It was nice to just be lazy and relax. I got roped in to doing this jewelry fashion show on the ship, which was highly entertaining, and we also took a tango class.

Like my earings? Thanks I was modeling them.

Formal dinner night on the boat.

The classic towel animals.

Demonstrating the tango we learned in our class.

We arrived at Puerto Vallerta on Christmas Day. We wanted to find a scooter and drive around but everywhere that rented scooters was closed for the holidays, so we had to settle for a 4 wheeler drive in the jungle. We decided to go swimming in the river and we met some locals. It was fun to practice our spanish skills and learn more about Mexico.

In the jungle! Dusty from the 4-wheelers

After our four wheeling, we walked along the beach and tried to find the best Mexican food possible. This was hard in a tourist town but we did try these weird sea food items with Mexican hot sauce. It was crazy!

At the beach

On the beach walk. We gave this poor girl money because she looked cold, and she let me take my pic with her.

The weird, raw oysters.

The oyster with the sauce on it.

Here's the video of me eating it:

Other yummy food we ate (most of this was in San Diego):

At Marisco's food cart. We searched for this and after several failed attempts we found the cart. It was worth the hunt.

Best ceviche ever. hands down.

The next day we went on the zipline with our friends we met on the cruise, Tony and Chaipin. Tony's son is going to BYU Hawaii and he saw Shea's sweater and told us so. We struck up conversation and soon became quick friends. At the the zipline they had this swimming hole we had to check out. After we went to a beach some locals told us about and then we were back on the boat.

The swimmin' hole.

Tony, Chaipin, and Jess.

Our next port was Cabo. Shea and I both loved Cabo! We took a bus to a beach some locals told us about, and laid out, and just relaxed. We wanted to snorkel but we ran out of time. We hitch hiked our way back into town with this nice guy named Pedro. I loved talking about salsa dancing with him!

On the beach at Cabo

Shea on the boat with Cabo in the background.

Cabo from the boat.

On our last formal night on the cruise we hung out with some friends we had made. Tony, Chaipen, and Joseph Tran (the cruise magician) and his sweet girlfriend who's name escapes me. Our honeymoon was perfect! It was so relaxing, and I loved being with Shea, soaking up the sun, being on the water, and lazing the days away. It was perfect.

Last dinner with our cruise besties. 

Run

Yesterday night I woke up in the middle of the night with a burning sensation in my throat and an ear ache. Sick. Again. For the umpteenth time this year. I was so weary of being sick that I started to cry. Then I thought about how hours before I got a rather depressing email from the photographer at my wedding who reported no remorse for taking NO PICTURES OF MY FAMILY outside of the temple. For pete's sake what was she doing?!? She was there. And why would we make everyone standout in the cold December day if we did not want a picture of all of them? So I thought about that again and then cried some more. My body was hot and I felt dehydrated, so I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I sat for a while not feeling sleepy, only feeling discouraged. I woke up my husband who is wiser than me, who offered me medicine. I was inconsolable but agreed to take some and fell back asleep.

I awoke this morning still feeling sick, still discouraged about the pictures, to the news that a fertilizer plant exploded. This only added to my sorrow. I wasn't ready yet to be happy. So tears bubbled to the surface as I read about the death toll. I wanted something like that to shock me and put my wedding picture cares into perspective, but it didn't. How could I not have a way to remember everyone who was there? I wanted to have a picture of my nephew Cooper not looking into the camera. I wanted the red nose of my aunt that I never see to be in a frame. I wanted a photo of aunts and uncles that I had only met that day but that I already felt close to because they were a part of someone that I loved. Inconsolable. I didn't want to be happy.

Then the wise husband said I should go on a run. I didn't really want to because I was feeling sick, but I was also sick of feeling sad so I hoped his philosophy of endorphins would be valid. I started walking because I didn't feel like running and we live right next to a hill. I just walked. Already the sunshine was doing me good. It was a deceptive sunshine as I was still wearing a jacket, and sweat pants to stay warm. But my mood was slightly elevating. I felt the warmth of the rays dust my face, almost in a taunting way. But the warmth gave me a taste of something so alive and brilliant.

Next after walking 3-4 blocks I started to slowly jog. And I noticed flowers. I love flowers. The don't really have any purpose other than esthetic. Maybe inadvertently they help with honey, which I also love, but mostly they exist to smell good and beautify the earth. There were a stone wall that looked hand-made in the best kind of thrown together manner. On the stone wall there were small purple flowers, dark purple, light purple, and medium purple all together in a row. The flowers had green, long stems that made them hang off the hand-made wall. And I smiled to myself as the light from the sun and the colors of the plants created a beautiful image in my scope of perspective. My mood elevated yet again.

The sense of smell is tied to the memory. Turns out they are processed in the same place in the brain. Memory and smell. I jogged past an elementary school and the smell was very familiar. How could that be? Then I thought about little bodies. Packed together in classrooms. With cheap air fresheners  And the smell took me back to Mrs. Thurber's third grade class. Plum I believe it was. A plum air freshener. To me this smell is always associated with a year that I discovered my creativity. A year where my aspirations changed from having the most friends on the playground to being a writer when I grew up. All from smelling an elementary school. 

On my way back from my jog I ran past the school again. And seeing the kids at recess made me happy. 7 years old. A little boy with hair dyed blue. Why? I thought. Why blue? Then an overheard conversation. Something about powers he had that he was managing. Imagination! I miss using mine. I think it is a friend that I have forgotten about. I wanted to play with them. And imagine that I had powers too. I wanted to roll down the hill and not worry about pictures, or explosions, or money, or the future. Sure there were worries at 7 but it was fun to believe that you could be a writer. And weave stories all day long that were created by a vivid imagination. I craved to work with children and pretend with them. Suddenly being a teacher seemed like the best idea. My mind quickly dismissed it. Impractical. Yet my mood was improved, transcended to a different time with different joys and worries. The run worked! 

I am still sad about the pictures, Texas, and being sick, and I feel overwhelmed about the future in all it's uncertainties. But I highly recommend going on a run if you want to jumpstart the process to finding happiness again. 

Dreams

Last night I had a dream I was an ant in North Korea. It's oppressive there. Even for ants.